How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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