All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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