separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
