I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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