i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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