I wish I only lived at night.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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