I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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