Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
