You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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