brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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