Yo dont text me then not text me
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
