I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
