he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
