i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
