i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
