she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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