if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
