Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
