Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
