I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
