No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
