I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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