Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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