Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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