YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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