i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
