my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
