i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
