Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize