I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When did angry sex become our thing?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
