how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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