Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
