Christians are straight up FREAKS
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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