Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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