you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
