i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize