let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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