i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
