there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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