I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
