but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
