I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
