I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
