Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
