You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
