There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
