This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
