You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
