420 ftw
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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