Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
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Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
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I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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