I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
