it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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