My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
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Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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