I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
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she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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