youre lurking in front of me
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
