just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
