what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
