We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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