Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Pants 0. Shit 1.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
