all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
