i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
