I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
