my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
