I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
