He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just forgot I was standing up.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
