I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
