I am spending my child support on dildos
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
